By Gail Massey

Retirement is supposed to be a time of marital bliss for a couple. But,the first few years in retirement can put a strain on a troubled marriage. Most couples will agree that retirement is a significant transition. Here are the warning signs that your marriage is in jeopardy.

Loss of communication is the biggest challenge in troubled marriages. Communication problems can take many forms. First, you may argue, often over the same topics, without resolution. Some couples find the only time they communicate is by arguing and fighting. On the other end of the spectrum are the couple who no longer talk at all. They live as strangers under the same roof, with little to say to each other. Finally, some couples only discuss the daily events, but are reluctant to have meaningful conversation.

In retirement, there is more time to spend together. If you aren’t friends with your spouse, it can put a strain on your relationship. You don’t need to do everything together. In fact, that wouldn’t be a good idea, but it’s important to enjoy each other’s company. Is your partner still your friend?

Loss of trust is a warning sign of a troubled marriage. If there is a history of infidelity or other untrustworthy behavior that hasn’t been repaired, the marriage may struggle even more in retirement. When the traditional escapes no longer exist, all the skeletons in the closet become elephants in the room.

Loss of sexual relations is another warning sign. Sexual intimacy often changes after menopause, especially in long-term relationships. It’s important to share what is going on with aging bodies, seek medical advice if possible and explore ways of feeling connected and loved, regardless of how often you actually have intercourse.

Do you feel trapped in your marriage? Do you feel like running away from your spouse? In retirement, it’s important for both individuals to have independence and freedom, but if you feel smothered, you have a troubled marriage.

Do you have fun together and go out together? In troubled marriages, couples often lead solitary lives. It’s important to share some activities together and enjoy each other’s company.

If you see yourself in the warning signs, you may have a troubled marriage. The important thing is to not ignore the problems, but to get help. Even the best marriages can struggle in the early stages of retirement. With help from a counselor, you may learn how to reinvigorate your relationship. You may also find it’s time to go your separate ways. You want to be able to do that in healthy way that allows you to remain friendly.