|
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
|
| |
| |
By Cathy Severson, MS
As the boomers transition into retirement, marriages can be tested. What’s the most important characteristic in a happy marriage? Research indicates most married couples report trust is the central factor in a healthy marriage or any committed relationship.
While trust is important, it might not be the most important. Trust is complicated. Trust is based on one person being trustworthy and the other person’s ability to be trusting. Trust often has nothing to do with what activities a partner is engaging. We all know of couples where one spouse glancing in the direction of good looking person is falsely accused by their jealous mate.
Take John and Marsha for example. John is loving and faithful to Marsha. He is attentive when they go out to dinner and a movie. Although not overly demonstrative, he tries to do little things to let Marsha know how much he cares. Marsha had previously been in a long-term relationship with Bob. Completely, unbeknownst to Marsha, Bob was having an affair with her girlfriend. When Marsha found out, she was devastated. She also felt like a complete fool for not seeing the signs in front of her. She promised herself she would never be so stupid again. Marsha believes John would never cheat on her. But, there’s a nagging little voice in the back of her head. She just can’t let go of the idea that just maybe there’s something going on she doesn’t know about. No matter how trustworthy John is, Marsha has a hard time being trusting.
There is another interesting aspect about trust. Can having absolute faith and trust in your partner breed complacency? I believe that my husband is faithful to me. I also know that if I treat him poorly, take him for granted, am mean and spiteful that he is capable of finding someone else. Do I know that he would go outside of our relationship? No, I don’t. The fact that I know he could look for someone else is a motivator for me to treat him in manner that will keep him from straying. I realize there are some people, no matter how well they are treated, who are going to stray.
Respect and common courtesy are not dependent on what the other person is or isn’t doing. Is it easy to be respectful if they other person is doing likewise. Absolutely! It certainly is easier to show respect when it is being shown to you. A couple can start to make a shift towards showing respect for each other. As couples become retirees, they spend much more time together. They may engage in senior activities, hobbies and interests they didn’t have time for when they worked. They may embrace the 55 communities lifestyle, being grandfather and grandmother together. As a senior, home becomes important when you spend more time in the house together. All these changes can be improved if you show respect.
The first place it as to start is with you. Don’t believe as a senior, learning to change will be impossible. You cannot require your spouse to respect you if you either don’t respect him/her or yourself. Start by making a commitment to yourself that you are going to treat your partner with the same courtesy you would a stranger. And then do it. It means not making hurtful or judgmental comments. It means being kind and gracious to the person you love.
It is also appropriate to share with your spouse that you are changing your behavior and ask them to do the same. If you make mistakes, acknowledge them, but reaffirm the desire to do better in the future.
Respect is both how you feel about your partner, as well as how you treat them. When there are difficult times, remember how you felt when you first fell in love. Treat your partner the way you did then. Trust is important, but respect will get you through the good times and the bad.
Cathy Severson, MS helps you make the most of your retirement. Find out how to make the rest of your life the best of your life with the complimentary e-book 7 Ingredients for a Satisfying Retirement at http://tinyurl.com/8moymb
|
|
| |
|
|
|
| |
|
|
